Week 9

I'm observing patients again, which means I'm not stuck behind my computer all day! 

I mean, it's not like remaking spreadsheets is the absolute worst thing ever. I just don't want grid lines permanently branded into my eyeballs. 

Coincidentally, my very first patients were also here on the day I decided to stop being antisocial.  It was really gratifying to see how they've improved over the course of a few months. I also met some new patients and had a few... new experiences. For the first time, I was forced to leave the room while observing a patient. I didn't have a problem with it because I ask patients as soon as I meet them if they're comfortable with me in the room. Most of them agree, and this one did too. Unfortunately, she became very anxious in the middle of her evaluation and ran out to get some fresh air. It was at this point that I left because I didn't want to risk upsetting her further. I think this made me realize just how long-lasting the emotional trauma of domestic abuse can be. It was a bit unusual that I hadn't seen someone so sensitive yet, considering the subject at hand here. Most of my patients completely brush over the topic of domestic violence when they tell their stories, so seeing this woman panic was kind of a wake-up call. So many of these people are still suffering in silence...

As I'm writing both of my papers, I'm beginning to understand that the personal aspects of working with human subjects are lost in a research report. It's difficult to explain the downcast eyes, the fidgeting, the shame in a scientific journal. The social stigma and the sheer prevalence of domestic violence in the nation are the reasons why I decided to help this population in the first place. Meeting and connecting with these people only encouraged me to continue. I can't translate that into numbers.